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<title>if i could forgive myself i'd move on by narutomaki</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066859">if i could forgive myself i'd move on</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/narutomaki/pseuds/narutomaki'>narutomaki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Afterlife, Death, Gen, Tumblr: Writing-prompt-s, mourning your life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:56:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/narutomaki/pseuds/narutomaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“That’s awfully depressing there, kid.” Itachi jerked, flying into a seated position and staring at the man perched beside him on the docks support, one leg crossed up over the one that held him there. He tilted his head, long white hair spilling to the side. He had always worn it up while alive, Itachi remembered. “Even if it’s true, that is. So how did it happen?”<br/>or<br/>Itachi moves on, and then can't move on. <br/>or<br/>A short analysis of how you mourn for your own mistakes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if i could forgive myself i'd move on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Itachi closed his eyes, numb to his body and surroundings as Sasuke stood above him; blocking out the sun. He was so proud of his little brother.</p><p>So proud.</p><p>As the world slipped away one final time in cracks and pieces he wished he could raise his face to the sky one last time. See the birds flying lazy circles below and in the cloud layer to carry him off into whatever truly waited for him after his death.</p><p>-</p><p>Lights sparkled on and off over the lake the spread in front of him, his legs crossed as he opened his eyes and found himself sitting on a dock. Taking a breath it felt easier and clearer than it ever had since he had been young, his body did not hurt, and as he spread his hands in front of him he smiled softly. A firefly landing on his now clear nail and flickering in the hazy interim space he found himself in.</p><p>When no one came for him he shuffled his legs to uncross them and dip them into the cool water below. Looking to the sky he watched the stars, smiling when they flickered out as a black bird flew under them; silent as the water around him.</p><p>“Will I be here for long?” His voice was quiet even in the silence as he watched the small bugs dip onto the lakes surface before spiralling back to hover above it. No response came and he sighed, finally laying back and crossing his arms behind his head. There were so many things he could reflect on, none of them seemed to bring any full emotion; as if every passing memory was like the fireflies around him, just something to observe and acknowledge and appreciate.</p><p>“Will I join my mother and father, do you think?” He asked the firefly that perched on the bridge of his nose, huffing when his voice startled it into flying away back to the others. “I think it would be fair if I didn’t."</p><p>“That’s awfully depressing there, kid.” Itachi jerked, flying into a seated position and staring at the man perched beside him on the docks support, one leg crossed up over the one that held him there. He tilted his head, long white hair spilling to the side. He had always worn it up while alive, Itachi remembered. “Even if it’s true, that is. So how did it happen?”</p><p>“As it needed to, my brother killed me, with any luck took my eyes and any amount of closure that my passing could offer him.” Jiraiya hummed, adjusting to sit properly cross legged on the post, head on one hand as he watched the fireflies.</p><p>“He’s a complex kid, I don’t know if he’ll be happy you’re dead.” The sannin muttered, eyebrows knitting down as he tried to recall what he could about Sasuke’s personality; although it had all been second hand. There was a long silence between them, not uncomfortable, but something that happened just like everything else in this place seemed to. “So... why’d you do it?”</p><p>Itachi breathed in, and then out. “Danzo ordered it, so it happened.”</p><p>“And you couldn’t kill your brother?”</p><p>“No. I barely remembered how I felt that night even before I died, but I couldn’t kill the one thing that kept me alive...” he trailed off. “There didn’t feel like a right answer, if I had not done it I think Danzo would have killed me.” It felt cool, detached, hollow. Itachi wondered it Jiraiya felt the same, or if this disconnection was only something he felt. Jiraiya was nodding, a sad look in his eyes, so maybe it was.</p><p>“My students killed me. You would have known them I think, Konan and Nagato?” Itachi’s eyes widened and he nodded. “I feel like it’s some sort of cosmic irony, honestly. You okay?”</p><p>“I don’t feel much of anything right now, honestly.” Jiraiya nodded.</p><p>“That’ll wear off eventually, kid, sorry. It lasted... fuck I don’t know, a while for me.” He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t know what’s after this, but I’ll see you on the other side. Or I’ll see you later, who knows. Not much around here to see.” He waved over his shoulder as he hopped silently back down onto the water and walked away.</p><p>-</p><p>It felt like an eternity later and no time at all had passed when a nervous sob shook out of Itachi’s throat, the memories clawing up into his brain with an increasing ferocity, fighting for space and attention now that he could finally feel again. He shook like a leaf, bent over himself with his hair spilling around him like a curtain, when a gentle hand landed on his neck.</p><p>The person didn’t say anything, and Itachi didn’t look at them, taking the heavy hand for all the comfort it could offer.</p><p>“Mum? Dad? Could you come get me?” He felt so small, like a child again, crying out for the people he had lost the same night he had forfeit his humanity. “Please. Please I’m sorry.”</p><p>The hand squeezed on the back of his neck and his hiccuping sobs trailed off, there was no exhaustion here, but he felt it anyway. Eyes puffy and rimmed with red as he sat back, turning to look at the man who had joined him, and feeling another deep welling sadness as Kisame looked back.</p><p>“When...?” His voice was wet, but his throat felt fine. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Nothing to be sorry for, Itachi. I died honest to myself. It’s okay.” He cradled the younger man to his side when he leaned over. “It’s okay.”</p>
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